Stages of Independence

I sat in my seat as Wil walked up on stage to receive his school honors. He needed no support or assistance. He, like his peers, walked from his seat to the stage and back to his seat.

As he returned to his seat, I waved so he could find me, but he didn’t need my wave. He didn’t even look up at me as he made his way back. He knew where he was going without me.

Last Tuesday while in a class I’m taking, I watched a Youtube about people with physical and cognitive disabilities living on their own with support. If I was at home, I would have had a full-on sob. I consciously held myself together the best I could. Tears silently escaped the corners of my eyes that I discreetly brushed away.

What I was watching is fought hard for. These individuals’ independence, and the supports required for their independence, is what’s right and what these individuals fully deserve. And yet, this terrifies me for my own child at the same time. Wil will always have a level of vulnerability. I have to put a helluva lot of trust in someone else’s hands if he does choose to live independently with outside support.

And yet, here I am, the one who has worked so hard for his independence for the last 17 years, waving for him to find me. In many ways it’s we parents of our vulnerable kids who can’t let go. Our hearts are just as vulnerable as we navigate impending adulthood for our kids.