All That We Are

He said mom, look at me, and he placed my hands on either side of his face. I looked at him. At first what I was doing screamed for attention. I did not have time. But he smiled, and I melted into his little face. Those almond eyes, his soft innocent stare that only asks for all that I am. He wanted his mom, not half of his mom, but all of his mom. We all want all of who we are with, and all of who we are, but along the way we forget to ask. We forget to ask that even of ourselves. He doesn’t forget. Thank God. 

So then, for that day, by virtue of that moment, I am brought back to life. Back to a place I didn’t know I lost because the distractions filled my life of all the empty spaces. His hands on my face cleared the room. The empty spaces become empty again. It is not sad. It is a feeling of freedom. Life zooms in full focus to his face, and that face is everything. I am filled with a peace, a love, that I was born and created with, but had forgotten a long, long time ago. 

We know that peace holding our babies. We can stare at their sweet, innocent faces with their gurgles and giggles, and their sleep for hours. Everything else sheds away. They are our everything. Then they start crawling, and toddling, and soon they find new independence. Though they are still our everything, distractions start finding their way into the periphery. Our kids soon pick up the habit of distraction just as we did–from our parents, from our environment, from responsibility. It just is what it is. It happens so very gradually, we don’t even notice until our life is full, so we think. 

Until one day, you are awoken. It happens in the simplest of ways. Because that is how the true joys of life are–simple. I was washing dishes, my mind not even on the dishes. I was a million miles away living with the million other things that I had to do and what I already had done. A voice cut through the swirling galaxy of my thoughts and said, “Look at me mom.” The voice interrupts but the distractions need to be heard. They will not lie down for a simple interruption. They have been born of habit and so persist. “What do you need, Buddy?” 

The voice beckons again, but this time, he walks up to me and places his hands on either side of my face. They are like paddles shocking me back to life. The distractions cease. They don’t fade to the corners, they lift and fade into the ether. My Life is back into rhythm with what matters. This is not another distraction pushing out the distractions, like a drink, drug or food. This is real. This is God talking.
This is where we shut up and listen. 

Underneath all the noise, he wanted his mom. He wanted me to see him, to know he was there. Not partially, but fully. 

We all want to be seen fully, to be heard fully, but we learn to live without it. I’m not sure what it is in Wil that he did not learn that part of life, but I’m sure thankful that passed him by. I don’t listen to others as well as I should, but he reminds me to stop and listen. Not partially but fully. Whenever I stop, and turn my head to who I am with or what we are doing and fully listen, life immediately feels fuller. Because that is how the true joys of life are–simple.