Proper Pacing

When Wil goes outside, he just goes. Once he’s out there, he figures out what he’s going to do. Sometimes, it’s picking up sticks. Piling them up, or bringing a few choice specimens home.

Other times it’s walking the lane all the way back to the woods. He may get into mischief by investigating a hunter’s deer feed pile. Or he may walk all the way back to the river. He’ll stand there for hours throwing sticks into the river. When he’s done with that, he’ll turn around and come home. No matter what, he finds his way to adventure.

On one of his river trips, I threw sticks with him. Thankfully, I forgot my phone at home. After tiring of the stick throwing, I took a look around. Then I looked up. There, poised on a tall dead tree was a woodpecker. He started his pecking. I watched him for a time, then just listened. Listened to the river, the sway of the trees. And lots of silence.

Wil enjoys the silence. The world is fast for him. Here, in the woods, nature is his pace. It’s funny how hard I try to get him to “keep up.” Come on, Wil, zip up your coat. Come on, Wil, get your shoes. Come on, Wil, it’s time to go.

How often do I go his pace? How often do I go the pace of nature? To listen to the woodpecker. To feel the flow of the river. To feel the silence?It’s amazing how scared of challenges we are, and yet, standing in silence may be our biggest challenge yet.

How silly of me to rush Wil, when instead, he’s the one drawing me forward.

Just Friends Being Friends

“I was just wondering if Wil wanted to be part of the 7 dwarfs. We were thinking he could be Snuggly, Giggly, Silly, or Smiley! Considering Wil has all those traits!” I received this text from Ashley about Halloween costumes. Ashley and Wil, now in 8th grade, have gone to school together and been friends since preschool.

I read Ashley’s text aloud to Wil. He jumped up and responded, “Yes!” Wil chose Smiley, then I received another text from Ashley: “Or Seeger was thinking he could be the prince if he wanted to.” (Seeger is another good friend of Wil’s from school.)

“The prince!” Wil said without an ounce of hesitation. Which is quite apt, as Wil’s friends, who are planning a Snow White-style Halloween, are all girls.

Our Down Syndrome Support Team holds an annual Buddy Walk the last Sunday of September to raise awareness and acceptance for individuals with Down syndrome. With the pandemic, the decision was to hold a virtual event. Wil and his friends were not to miss out, so we held a small, local walk to which about 30 friends participated in. Wil, of course, walked with his close buddies, Ashley, Seeger, Lila and Sarah. At one point during the walk, Wil decided he needed a break and sat down on the sidewalk. Wil’s friends stopped and cheered him on. With their encouragement, Wil jumped up and they all started running. The friends joked it was the “Buddy Run.”

Near the end of the walk, we climbed to the top of school bus loop. Once at the top, Wil’s friends ran down the steep, grassy hill along the side of the bus loop. Wil remained at the top, looking trepid. Once again, the cheering section arose. His friends’ cheers nudged Wil over the edge and he tore down the hill. Once united, the friends jumped, laughed and cheered in a circle. It’s just as rewarding to be the cheerleader as it is to be the cheered.

Last year, I was talking to Ashley after school. She told me about an activity in gym the group of friends enjoyed participating in together. Then she said Wil grew tired and laid flat out on the gym floor. She shrugged her shoulders, smiled and said, “That’s just Wil being Wil.”

When Wil doesn’t have the words, his actions are his communication. Wil’s friends understand his language. Wil doesn’t judge others or create drama; it’s simply not in his arsenal. In that way, his friends are fully free to be themselves. If you are sad, he accepts your sadness without question. If you are happy, he accepts your happiness fully. If you feel goofy, he’s more than willing to join you in the silliness. If you need a hug, he has one at the ready. If that’s your clothing style, then it’s cool. To Wil, that’s just you being you.

As a parent of a child with special needs, I know first-hand the fight for acceptance. I also know first-hand that acceptance is quite fundamental: It’s just friends being friends.