Lift in Learning

Wil jumps on the trampoline. Free. Fun. Full of joy. His play is not forced; nor is it self-conscious. He hoots, he hollers. He’s in the moment. When tiredness sets in he rests. He sits on the black circular mat, looks around, and soaks in the feeling of his heart relaxing. This is not a conscious action. It’s a feeling. When his breath is caught he resumes his play. He resumes his laughter. The cycle of play and rest continues, not in perfect time, but perfectly all the same. His time on the trampoline is conducted all on his own time. And if someone wants to join in, the net is always open. His play is not pushed or forced; his rest is not laziness. It is a balance of body and mind in time and always open to friendship.

When I watch him, I wonder, can I be as free as that again? Can I still truly play? Can I still hear my inner compass? Can I be purposeful without pushing? Can I still allow my heart to rest without inviting in laziness? Society is so loud today. So many voices telling me what is right and what is wrong.

I went to buy some paint yesterday. As I walked in the young man behind the desk had very low energy. I still gave him a hearty hello and went on my business. When I went up to the counter he still had very low energy. My instinct was to be low energy back, as wasn’t it his job to welcome me to the store? I was spending my money there. But then I thought, “No, that’s an instinctive reaction to match like for like. You have a choice. Just play today. Unzip the net of the trampoline, and invite him in to play. Even on our hardest days, even if we don’t want to play, it’s still important to offer the invite.” So I shared my smile and kept my spirits high as he rang up my items. I didn’t force my joy, I just held a natural joy within me. The man then took out a $5 coupon and scanned it to my order. Maybe he used that coupon on every order, but I received it as the special $5 gift it was.

“Thank you for the coupon!” I said. He looked up at me quizzically. There was a pause. Then he smiled back at me. He accepted my invitation to play.

This summer I’m working with a student who turns very aggressive immediately. He punches, kicks, and swears. He’s called me a freak and a bitch and he’s only 6 years old. This challenging behavior is not in my wheelhouse. I’m raising Wil, a happy, joyful, and stubborn child. He’s not physically or verbally aggressive. My learning curve this summer has been high. But I’m learning a lot as the teachers around me have a wealth of knowledge and are very supportive. They’ve invited me to play.

Being on constant guard with this student is wearing at times. I need to be between him and the other students in case he blows up at a moment’s notice. One day he was particularly on edge. He enjoys going to a room with a swing and a crash pad. So I asked if he wanted to take a motor break there and he agreed. After a few rounds on the crash pad, he laid down and started pushing a bookshelf with his feet.

“Please don’t push on that. It’s not safe.”

“Why not?” He asked defiantly. He was trying to push my buttons. Fortunately, the change of environment was a break I needed too. I was able to think more clearly.

“Because it could tip over. It’s not secured. I care about you and don’t want you to get hurt.”

His attitude lightened completely when I said I cared about him. That was all he needed to hear. With his demeanor change, I also changed because my learning and understanding deepened. I had all the tools that worked with him written down. All the things to say that de-escalated his behavior. But this was off the cuff. It was not on any script. It flowed from my mouth not from thought but from something natural within me. If we had still been in the classroom with both of us stressed, I would have resorted to the script because I would not have been able to access that part of my brain. We would have both been in fight or flight. But now having had this experience, a mental block from my naturalness has been removed. I am now better equipped to handle higher stress situations, and inner knowing will have more space to come through to help this student and future others.

I’m learning to go back to what I already knew while I learn from what I didn’t know. I now recognize $5 gifts as special to me even if they are plentiful for every customer; valued gifts expand well past any monetary amount. I now will change venues when my heart needs rest so I may better serve both myself and others with a calmer heart. I will hold my natural joy and extend it – the shared energy of the giver does not deflate one and inflate the other. Just watch Wil on the trampoline. The joy he feels could light up the world.