Christie Taylor Uncategorized

Snow First, Science Second

On Sunday, coming home from the movies, Matt was driving and Katherine jumped in shotgun, so I sat in the second row car seat with Wil and Elizabeth hopped in behind us. As we motored on home, “Let It Snow” came on the radio and Wil started bouncing around in his seat, then I started bobbing my head, then he started bobbing his head and then Elizabeth joined. We were totally rocking it out in the backseat to that old classic and Matt and Katherine looked over at us from the front seat and rolled their eyes in mock embarrassment. Ahhh, this is what it’s all about, I thought to myself.

Then just yesterday, I met a woman whose daughter is a neo-natal nurse. She told me her daughter wants to adopt a child with special needs. She said it pains her to see moms just walk away from their babies when they learn of their diagnosis. That fact pains me greatly too.

When Wil was born, I was scared and I cried for all that I had “lost” in a typical child. It is natural to grieve our lost expectations. But then, why do we not build up new expectations? Why do we just walk away? I’m no better or worse than anyone else. The only difference is I was so tired of crying about my baby. I wanted so deeply to smile about my baby. And in that process I discovered whatever I look for, I find.

I found so much to love, laugh and smile about. There are the hard parts, too. Elizabeth is fond of saying, “Wil has good days, and bad days, then he has Wil days.” But Wil days are what make our days so much more amazing. The deeper the challenges, the greater the rewards. I notice every single new word Wil says, every single new step forward he takes and I feel a deep joy in all of it. Wil’s life is a joy and reminds me of the pure power of the simple pleasures in life. Wil does not get out of bed unless I give him a hug first. That simple fact sets an upbeat tone for the day. After he brushes his teeth, he says, “Mom, breath.” Then blows his soft, minty breath to me and I say, “Oh, minty!” and he laughs and gives me a hug. We do this every day and it never gets old. So simple, yet so powerful.

Instead, the medical terms come first when our new babies are born. Science is tangible. Science is explainable. Science is very important. But so are Let it Snow moments. I believe even more so. Our feelings and emotions may not be as tangible as science, but our feelings are what rule our worlds every single day miles above science. When I changed my feelings about Wil’s chromosomal differences, that changed my life. It wasn’t his chromosomal make-up that changed, it was the way I looked at it that changed. I want to bottle up these “Let It Snow” moments and share them with new moms just a clearly and tangibly as those 47 squiggly chromosomes show up on a piece of paper. But emotions and feelings aren’t meant to be bottled. They are meant to be lived, felt, experienced, absorbed and learned from. They are not definitive and finite, but a fluid, expanding and fulfilling component of our life’s journey.

I picture myself over 10 years ago, laying in the birthing room, opening a folder full of medical terms, tears streaming down my face. Wouldn’t it be glorious, if instead, I opened that folder and in front of the medical terms, placed before all the papers, the sounds of “Let It Snow” came pouring out, and in all that I could not see, but could feel, the beginning of a new journey that lies ahead?

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

Christie Taylor Uncategorized

The Hug-Fix

Last night I was helping Katherine with a homework project. She was making a children’s book on Hurricanes. Her drawings were beautiful and we were both proud of her work. However, the printed portion of her work wasn’t formatting properly. She asked me for help and I couldn’t find the fix for it. Soon it got to be late and my frustration grew as I still could not find a solution. After some time Katherine looked at me and said, “Mom, it’s ok. It will be fine like this, but I think you could use a hug.”

“Yes, Katherine, yes I could. You are completely right. Your mom is being silly over this and your hug is exactly what I need. Thank you.”

Our family was at the movies earlier that day, and a man in front of me in the food line started giving a woman and her kids a hard time for cutting in front of him, raising his voice. I don’t if they did, but I can tell you from experience making your way with three excited kids with food in the movie line is no small task. I think that poor guy needed to be told it’s fine, and he could definitely use a hug while he waited a whole 2 extra minutes to buy his popcorn.

Sure, we wish everyone stood their place in line, and Word docs formatted just the way we wanted them to on command. But life is full of menial distractions and frustrations that will mean little to us in one year, let alone a week, or even days later. But, in the moment, it’s easy to make these moments more important than they are. From now on, I’m going to work on taking a deep breath once I find myself in one of these moments, and remind myself, “It’s fine, nothing a hug won’t fix.” Thanks Katherine! 🤗❤️

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