“I swallowed a marble.”
I was in the living room. Wil was sitting in his bedroom adjacent to the living room.
Wil often talks to himself – many of us do. It helps us better process our thoughts, and it’s the same for Wil and for many people with Down syndrome. I quite like eavesdropping on Wil to better understand what is on his mind. Every morning he has a back-and-forth conversation with himself on what to wear: “Wear the blue shirt? Yeah, yeah, the blue shirt. Ok, the blue shirt.”
His exclamation about the marble though, was no back-and-forth conversation with himself. He wanted me to hear it. He was waiting for my response. Wil’s sister Katherine was home so he didn’t have my full attention as he’s grown used to since his sisters went away to college.
His attention-seeking strategy was effective. I went straight into his room.
“Wil did you really swallow a marble?”
“Hmph.”
“Wil, please tell me as this could be serious. I need to know. Did you swallow a marble?”
“Yes.” Then a moment later, “No.”
I actually had no idea if this was serious or not. I quickly googled swallowing a marble and found that it was quite common in young children. As a marble is round and smooth, most pass without issue. I sighed relief. But I didn’t want Wil to think he could add marbles to his diet.
I sat down next to him. “Wil, if you did swallow a marble, it’s very important that you tell me if your stomach hurts right away. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“So, did you swallow a marble?”
“No.” Then, “Yes.”
He was getting the attention he wanted from me and was holding tight to it.
“Ok, how about we go watch Olaf’s Frozen Adventure,” I said. Wil loves Frozen, and I love Olaf, so this was a show we both have watched together multiple times, which is why I chose it in this moment.
“Yes!”
I still have no idea whether he swallowed a marble or not. Wil does not outwardly lie. I’ve never heard him lie, and I don’t think he even knows what lying is. In this case he wanted my attention.
Other times, if I ask a question and he doesn’t know the answer, he will throw out a yes or no just to answer me, or whomever is asking. His eye exams can be quite challenging as this happens a lot.
But yesterday, he took one of his friend’s phones as a joke, and his teacher let him know this was no joke. His teacher then Facetimed me, with Wil, about this so we could all talk it out. Wil then understood the seriousness of taking other’s possessions. When Matt and I talked about this incident with Wil after school, he was very honest. As he always is with these types of questions.
After about 5pm every day, Wil will blurt out a detail about his day. This is a quieter time at home, or when we are in the car on the way to a therapy or the grocery store. He’ll blurt out, “Chocolate chip cookies!” Or, “Omelets!” Which is what he made in cooking class that day and then we can talk about it. But if I ask too soon, he won’t tell me. Wil shares on his own timeline when he’s had time to unwind and process his day. Then, he’s an open book.
Sometimes I don’t understand what he’s saying, so I’ll ask him to spell it. Yesterday I asked him what he did in choir.
“Whales.”
“Whales?”
“Yes, whales.” He said. Thinking I misunderstood him I asked what letter it started with.
“W.”
“Oh, ok.” Now realizing I heard him correctly, but the context was out of place for me, I then asked, “Did you watch a movie about whales?”
“Yes!”
It’s really interesting how breakdowns in communication can happen. I did hear what Wil said, but as I didn’t connect whales with choir, I thought I misunderstood him. I’m not the best listener, but with Wil I am because I have to be.
I used to say, “Oh, I’m not that kind of person.” But I quit doing that, because raising Wil I’ve had to be many kinds of people that I didn’t think I was.
Many think raising a child with a disability is a burden. But in fact, my experience has been that Wil has brought so much freedom in my life, in altering the way I think, hear and see the world.